Lent is Exposing Me

I’m not one for disclosing what I’ve taken on (or given up) for Lent.  That is the result of a conversation I had with the girlfriend of a roommate a few years back and it stuck.  It’s also based on the verse where Jesus admonishes his disciples to keep it secret when they’re fasting.  Still, I figure it doesn’t hurt to say that I while I’m not necessarily failing in what I’ve taken up, I realise how undisciplined I am in my Lenten disciplines.  Of course, on some level I know how undisciplined my life has become over the last few years, but Lent seems to just magnify it.  I’m sloppy with my personal devotions, scripture reading, sermon prep, and the stack of books I want to read.  I waste time watching television and using the computer.  Rather than plan my pastoral visits, I have a ‘hit and miss’ approach to it, squeezing in the odd visit when I can.  And one of the things that I’m really noticing, I’m less intentional with my time with Savannah.

Like I said, I knew this already, but with the extra things I have taken up during Lent (personal Lenten disciplines and the things I have tried to plan for the church during this season), I seem to notice it more and have been able to name it.  Because I talk about this with April, she has begun to comment that I need to compartmentalise my day and week.  She is saying outloud what has been running around in the back of my mind, but now is running around in the front.  I wanted to take it up a notch – if I let it lie, I can just let it continue to run around in my mind without really doing anything about it – now by typing it out, it’s more real.

I’m trying not to work while still on holiday (which becomes harder now that I’m back in the Manse), and I will have to start back this weekend.  So at the moment I am leaving this where it is and pick it up again next week.  Now that I’ve written this into the vast annals of cyberspace, I will need to follow up!

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